I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
