i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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