WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
