that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
