so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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