do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
