Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
