I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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