I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
