its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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