look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
