I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
