You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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