dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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