I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
