just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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