u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
