I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
