She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
