dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
