My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
