Do you still have your period?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize