you traded sex for a burrito?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
