Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
