be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
