Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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