Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
