There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
