It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
