3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
