Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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