If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
