and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
