she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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