You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
