is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
