Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
