laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we're so committed to being not committed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
