he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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