I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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