Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
