Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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