Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
