Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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