She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
