Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
