Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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