If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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