hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
