We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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