After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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