I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
