it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
