I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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