I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
