Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
