Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
